


Alone with you (But not alone at all)

by Thecursedandthegifted



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Siblings, Artist Clarke Griffin, Dead Parents, Eventual Smut, F/F, Finn Collins Being an Asshole, Firefighter Lexa, Fluff, Foster Kid Lexa (The 100), Girl Penis Lexa, Lexas Dick, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sassy Lexa, Tags to be added, flash backs, i swear there will be jokes, im not saying anything about Clarke yet, indra is a great mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 16:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11467206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thecursedandthegifted/pseuds/Thecursedandthegifted
Summary: Not a day goes by that she doesn’t think about Clarke. There was so much about her that Lexa never wanted to forget. The smooth blonde hair that she imagined was smooth as silk. That special laugh that would always turn into the most adorable snort. Most of all, she wanted to remember the soft blue eyes. Sometimes she wishes she could mark the exact shade, but she didn’t have the artistic talent that she would need. Clarke had that talent. She could have told Lexa the shade.If Lexa had known what would happen between this last moment and the next few years. She would have ran through the crowd that swallowed Clarke whole. She would have given up her whole future for someone who gave up on her a long time ago. If she could have the chance to save both of them so much time.But she didn’t know and that’s how it works right? Life is shit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Im completely revamping a fic I made as a young confused kid. Welcome to the angst train my friends. Its gonna get gay up in this shit. 
> 
> The first chapter starts off in the past, this is not a high school fic.

The countless people howled over the rain and buzzer. This was it, the last football game of Lexa Woods High school experience. She was never very fond of how loud these games turned out to be. But tonight there was something comforting about it. She found comfort in the smell of sweat and ache in her body. This would be the last time she listened to so many people chant her name. This would be the last time she would walk across this field soaked to the bone in this ridiculous weather. Everything in Lexa’s life was coming to an end here and now, she would finally get to move on from this chapter in her life. 

 

Lexa had an interesting history. Being different sometimes brought out the worst in the people around you. Lexa is intersex and that is likely where the start of her troubles. Her father had been something of a cruel man. A religious bastard who only saw black and white. Can you imagine a man like that having a daughter born with a penis? It wasn’t pretty. He beat her and her mother until she was ten and he finally went too fair. Her mother had been distant but not unloving. Lexa had grown to understand that it wasn’t her fault, that her mother hadn’t loved her. Who could love anyone when the person you swore to spend your life beat you? Lexa still talked about the last time she had seen them in her therapy. It had been a long time before the meetings had any effect on her, but her foster mother Indra had insisted. She had been right, Lexa had concurred everything with the help she received. 

 

Indra had fostered Lexa after the incident that had her taken away. Her and her other foster daughter Anya gave her everything, and not once did they complain. Not even when she woke up screaming in the middle of the night. When she turned twelve she told everyone about her interest in girls and was given nothing but love. When she turned fourteen Indra made Lexa her own. 

 

She was well loved, by almost everyone. Her strong will lead her football team to win after win. Her charm and strength demanded respect among both her peers and superiors. She battled every day to prove that despite her differences from her peers, she could do anything. Anyone who decided to mess with Lexa regretted it almost immediately.

 

It’s funny though, every teenager is running from something. When you’re young you’re so full of fight that it becomes second nature. We take children and lock them into this routine of obedience and authority. We expect them to leave behind everything they love and become an adult. When honestly we give them almost no guidance on what it’s actually like to be an adult. Nothing is more heart breaking than realizing that these are the best days of your life. The days that everything changes, suddenly you’re thrust into this world that doesn’t make sense. What’s worse is the more sense you make of it, the more you understand, the harder it gets. 

 

Lexa, much like the rest of her generation had already come to the conclusion that life was shit. A generation forced to grow up too quick, being told that they were “so mature for their age”. Eighteen and she was already aware of the weight of the human race. The sickness in everything our ambition costs us. Soon she would be faced with the endless hours of university. That would leave the majority of people her age fighting off a field of debt. Leave them struggling for a job in a market made for people much older than she was. But, like everything else in Lexa’s life. She was ready to once again show everyone that nothing could hold her back. She would graduate university with nothing to hold her back. She would find a job and do everything in her power to prove that even in a world meant to tear her down, she will thrive. Nothing was more certain to Lexa as the buzzer sounded around her. She could do this. Right here in this moment, with the people she loves screaming in the stands. She could do anything.

 

At least till she made eye contact with the one person who always got the better of her. The girl next door, Clarke Griffin. She also had kind of an odd story. They had once been friends, and if she was being honest Lexa had always liked Clarke. No one had ever amazed her quite like Clarke had. There was a fire in her, or there once had been. She was the kind of caring person that could almost always find the beauty in the moment. No one could match that soft smirk that tugged at the corner of the blonde’s mouth. It was an expression that Lexa would give almost anything to see again. But that smile had been gone for so long, the only side of Clarke the world saw was now was often quiet and almost lost. 

 

Clarke’s father had died in a car accident about a year ago and it changed her. Clarke had loved her father more than anyone else in this world. It was a love that she had envied till she saw what it did to Clarke when she lost him. Clarke pushed everyone away, lashing out and destroying every relationship she had. When it finally worked the blonde grew reserved and now seemed to be almost none existent. She still heard the words Clarke said to her the night their friendship ended. Sometimes in her nightmares, sometimes as an anxious feeling settled in her gut. That’s the problem with loving people. They can hurt you the most. 

 

Standing next to Clarke was the only person who had managed to break through her walls. Finn Collins. God did she fucking hate him. He was Clarke’s boyfriend, who had never been good enough for Clarke in her opinion. He was a slimy prick who was constantly hovering over Clarke, both now and before her father had passed. Clarke had sworn she wanted nothing to do with him, she said she knew he was nothing but trouble. Something changed and Lexa would give anything to know exactly what it was. Even though she probably did know, she didn’t want to admit to it. 

 

Not a day goes by that she doesn’t think about Clarke. There was so much about her that Lexa never wanted to forget. The smooth blonde hair that she imagined was smooth as silk. That special laugh that would always turn into the most adorable snort. Most of all, she wanted to remember the soft blue eyes. Sometimes she wishes she could mark the exact shade, but she didn’t have the artistic talent that she would need. Clarke had that talent. She could have told Lexa the shade. 

 

If Lexa had known what would happen between this last moment and the next few years. She would have ran through the crowd that swallowed Clarke whole. She would have given up her whole future for someone who gave up on her a long time ago. If she could have the chance to save both of them so much time.

 

But she didn’t know and that’s how it works right? Life is shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you guys have any questions. I'm trying to go in and leave you guys a little blind but i don't want anyone to be confused. I also don't have a beta, so feel free to mention anything you notice that may be off.  
> At this point in time everyone's age is.....
> 
> Lexa-27  
> Anya-28  
> Raven-27  
> Octavia-26  
> Lincoln-27
> 
> *Updated Version* Fixer perspective issue

“Lincoln, could you get your wife and me a beer?” Lexa asked with a soft smile on her face, walking into the bar she often called her home. The big burly man behind the counter cocked an eyebrow up at her without saying a word. “Please” she added with a false cheerful tone.

“Remember your manners Woods!” He drew a chuckle from Lexa who wasn’t the least bit intimidated by her long-time friend and once teammate. He went about getting the beers from under the counter. Ever since Lincoln bought this bar it was a weekly tradition to come in on Fridays. They would all meet after work to talk about they weeks, it was a tradition that Lexa loved. Drinking cheap beer and getting to be around the people who had come to be so important in her life.

“Hey Babe” Octavia said, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek as she pushed herself up onto her tippy toes. “Ray and Anya here yet?”

“Yeah they are in the usual booth. How was your shift? Anything big happen?” There was a slight discomfort in the way he asked and Lexa checked on Octavia from the corner of her eye. She knew how hard it was on them that Octavia had such a dangerous job. But Octavia was made to be in the fight. There’s no one else she would rather have running into a burning building with her. Being a firefighter had come as a surprise to both of them, but it was something they loved. They made a difference. Maybe not every day, but when it did happen Lexa was never happier.

“It was a boring day, I kicked Murphy’s ass at Mario Kart though.” The Grin on Octavia’s face was enough to draw the tension immediately from Lincoln’s body.

“That’s my girl.” He placed their bottles on the counter. Bending over the counter to offer Octavia a chaste kiss before shoeing us off so he could get some work done.

Octavia grabbed Lexa by the arm. Starting to tug her away from the counter “I swear you two get worse every day.” Lexa said taking a chug of her beer causing her to cringe a little at the bitter taste.

“It probably wouldn’t be so bad if you found yourself a nice girl? Ever think about that Lexa?” 

“Nice girls are over rated” Anya says as they get close to the booth. Lexa gives her sister a high five as they slide in across from her and Raven. Octavia bumps her hip against Lexa as she follows. Raven has a slight smirk on her face. But otherwise is uncharacteristically quiet as the girls begin to chat about their days.

Anya spends a significant part of the time going on about how she and Raven were planning on getting a dog. Despite how much she hated the idea, Anya seemed to have thrown herself into the planning. She would do anything for her fiancé, even take on the responsibility of a dog. A responsibility that would likely be her own, as Raven had the attention span of a goldfish. Unless of course something technical was involved.

The wonderful Raven Reyes was known for many things. She grew up in a horrible situation, one that rivalled Lexa’s own past. At the age of nine, her mother in a drunken rage had shot her. The bullet had all but taken Ravens ability to walk. She fought through years of psychical therapy, angry and determined. She all but raised herself with the help of Octavia’s mother, and Indra. She built a brace that put the doctors to shame. With both hands tied behind her back, she fought for a future that she deserved and got it. She has a family that loves her, a beautiful woman that admires her. She got paid shit tons of money from the government for doing god knows what. Lexa admired this woman more than anyone in her life. 

After chatting for well over an hour and still not hearing nearly enough from Raven. Lexa decided to try a direct question. “How was the check-up Reyes? Tell the doctor off again?” she tried to keep her tone light as she sipped her beer. Raven had always been defensive about her weekly appointment to check out her leg. She thought they were unnecessary, or at least she wanted us to think they were. 

Without lifting her head Raven asked, “Guys, do you remember Clarke Griffin?” the name was enough to silence everyone at the table. Raven had never sounded so unsure of anything in her life. In this moment Lexa was terrified by exactly what that could mean. Of course she knew who Clarke was, she could never forget.

Octavia was first to break the ever stretching silence that clouded them. “Ray, what’s wrong?” Anya visibly tightened her hold on her beer, her knuckles turning white. She had an idea what her fiancé was hiding from the rest of us. 

Raven sighed and leaned forward bringing her bottle into both her hands. It is as if she was using it to ground herself. She looked almost guilty to Lexa, “I saw her today. She’s working at the hospital, she moved into her dad’s old house”

“She always wanted to be a doctor like her mom, good for her” Octavia says, sounding almost unsure. How certain can you be when your childhood friend that drove you away had become relevant again? It’s not easy to hear. Lexa knew how close they had all been at one point. It had been a real change when Clarke had pushed them all away. It was as if a piece was taken from each of them, each different. But no less important. 

“She’s a Nurse actually. She dropped out of med school.” That didn’t sound like the driven Clarke she knew. Even after losing her dad, Clarke would have never given up on her dreams.

“That’s odd, but I guess people change.” Octavia says with a sight tilt of her head.

“She was different after she lost her dad.” This time it’s Anya who speaks and Lexa can’t help but wonder how her sister felt about the whole situation. She had been friends with Clarke before Lexa had come to live with her family. The four of them had been close, almost inseparable. Anya wasn’t fond of big displays of affection. But Lexa knew how much it must have hurt to lose what was likely her first friend in a new world. She had never been given the whole story. Lexa only knew that Clarke, Raven and Octavia had come over not long after Anya came to live with Indra. They had wanted to welcome her, it was really sweet. It was probably a good story and Lexa made a mental not to ask Indra for the whole story her next visit. 

“Yeah”. There’s a quiet beat as Raven decides what to say next. “Anyway I’m sure we will be seeing her, she does live across the street from mamma Indra.” Raven lets go of her beer and tries to subtly take Anya’s hand under neither the table.

“Maybe we should invite her to brunch, she will probably say no anyways?” Octavia proposes, almost sounding excited but trying not to get her hopes up.

“Lexa? What do you think?” Her sister asks, meeting Lexa’s eyes over the table.

She sighed and gave her shoulders a shrug, seeing Clarke again would be amazing. But there were some things from high school that she prefer to not bring up. Her relationship with Clarke was one of them. They hadn’t stopped talking on good terms. “If we see her it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but we should ask mom first.”

“What commander? Scared of your mom?” Raven taunts Lexa, causing Octavia to snicker beside her.

“Fuck Ray, we should all be scared of Mamma Woods. She’s terrifying!” Anya nodded in agreement with Octavia, clearly remembering all the crazy shit her mother had done over the years.

“You bet she is, now move your lovely ass so I can get us another round”

“I’ll go, my lovely ass wants to see that wonderful husband of mine.”

The whole table let out a laugh as Octavia made a show of wiggling her eyebrows, “Keep it in your pants O, the boys working.” Raven fired back at her.

“I know something he should be working on” She said with a wink as she went off to what would probably be a very long beer run.

She came back with more than enough for them to drink. The four sat and talked till final call, seeming to forget the topic of Clarke all together. But in the back of their minds she sat there, clouding everything. They all wanted to see the kind hearted woman at this table with them. Laughing and smiling like they had as teenagers. When Lincoln had finally shut everything down for the night. They gathered up there stuff and said goodbye. They all said goodnight with a promise to see each other on Sunday for brunch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think! XD
> 
> *Updated Version* Fixer perspective issue

Leaning on her bike outside her childhood home Lexa can’t help but take a moment to appreciate the weather. The sun makes crave a cigarette, despite the fact she hadn’t smoke in years. Any excuse to enjoy this day a little longer before she has to go inside. There was something so contenting about a day like today. The soft breeze lightly pressing on her long brunette locks, tickling her cheeks and neck. The heat tingling against her tan skin. Nothing beat the soft rustling of leaves and birds battling each other in tunes. It was a world at peace with itself and Lexa’s fingertips itched with the need to always be this content. Letting out a sigh Lexa knew she needed to go inside. Her mother had called and asked her to come a few minutes early and she was obviously procrastinating whatever it was that wait for her inside. Anya’s car sat in the drive way and she wondered if it wasn’t just her, or if she was already late. A prospect that would defiantly not be appreciated by Indra. 

 

She took the final few steps and stepped inside, lightly yelling out “I’m here” as she crossed the threshold. She was instantly assaulted with the smell of cinnamon and citrus, a clear indication that brunch was almost ready. After a moment of no one responding she took off her shoes and started down the hallway in search of her family. Once in the empty kitchen she placed the orange juice she had brought on the counter and peaked out the kitchen window, out into the back yard. 

 

On the patio stood her mother and Anya setting the table, chatting about something. For a moment she just watched until Anya stopped all together. Her mother stepped closer to her and placed a hand on Anya’s back in comfort. It was a rare occurrence that Anya so visibly let someone see her emotions. Indra always had a special way of calming her, they had what appeared to be an unbreakable trust. Lexa often thought about what it must have been like for the two of them when the two first met. She had heard stories of how closed off Anya had been. Indra had lost her husband in an accident the year before and she was still struggling with it. It couldn’t have been easy on either of them. Indra had been the lawyer in Anya’s court case, one that no one talked about. She was so young and apparently Indra couldn’t stand the idea of someone else taking care of her. So she fought to be the one to be Anya home. They had an instant connection, one that you think only happens in stories. 

 

Behind them Lexa sees Raven sitting on the grass with what looks to be a young boy with his back to her. So she can’t see much about his features besides his short blond hair and thin figure. Raven had her legs crossed and was holding what looked to be an old Rubik cube in her hand. She seemed to be pointing out the boxes, explaining something with incredible patience. Possibly teaching him how to solve the puzzle, or at least a trick to help him. 

 

Lexa rounded the counter and step out the back door onto the patio. Her mother imminently coming over to welcome her with a hug. “I figured you would want to be outside today” She whispered into Lexa’s ear. The sentiment warming her heart. No one hugged quite like Indra, she knew the perfect combination of strength and comfort. Every time her mother let her go, Lexa felt a little bit warmer for having the experience. 

 

“Thank you.” She said in return, hoping that it would be enough to express how grateful she was. 

 

“Hey little Lex, moms got a surprise for you” Lexa could hear the humor in Anya’s tone and for a moment she almost worries. Before she remembers the boy sitting not ten feet away from them. She suddenly had a hunch and she couldn’t help the excitement that filled her at the prospect. 

 

Her mother can clearly read her mind and decides to be blunt. “I’m fostering again, his names Aden” She says. Starting back at the table that was set and was rather serving as an outlet for her mother’s fruitless anxiety. She continually fiddled with a napkin, refusing to meet Lexa’s eyes in a way that broke her daughter’s heart. She was such a strong willed woman, but nothing scared her more than the thought of her daughter’s disappointment. 

 

“Can I meet him” She asks, hoping to ease Indra’s worries. Or maybe it was the idea of finally having the little brother she had always wanted. 

 

“Of course, just don’t touch him without permission. He’s a little sensitive, I’m sure you understand.” Lexa nods her head, she had been the same way. 

 

Lexa didn’t wait long after getting permission, carrying herself the few feet towards Raven and Aden. She sees Raven catch sight of her and say something to him, winking at him before handing the Rubik cube back. Lexa noticed how she was careful not to let their hands touch as she did. She stands on her feet and walks towards the patio, giving Lexa a little shove as she passed. 

 

She takes a seat in Raven spot and smilse at the young boy. “You must be Aden, I’m Lexa.” He smiles back at her and nods, choosing to be quiet, or perhaps not knowing what to say. He couldn’t have been more than ten, but even sitting down Lexa could see that he was tall for his age. He had shiny blue eyes that reminded her of a stormy sea, oozing intelligence and compassion. There was something in the light of his smile that told Lexa he would be in this family forever. Though his skin was pale, his features were similar to Anya’s and her own. With a jaw that even at this age, you could tell would turn out to be as sharp as Lexa’s. His cheeks were chubby even with the notes of malnutrition that twisted her gut. Looking down at his hands she couldn’t help but notice the way he turned the fading toy in his hands. It could be a sign of a variety of things. It could be a simple anxiety at meeting a new person or a suppressed attention disorder. Both being things Lexa herself could relate too. “That’s pretty cool, can you solve it?” She lightly probed as she pointed to his hands. 

 

“Raven showed me how. I don’t know if I can though” he had a soft voice, almost timid.

 

“I bet you can, it may take practice” He nodded his head looking down at the object to study it. Lexa noticed the others arriving behind him and choose to ignore them. Aden was much more interesting “What other stuff do you like Aden?”

 

He seemed to think for a moment as if, he had never been asked that before. “I like sports, and taking things apart. I like to know how stuff works” It brings a smile to her face. Raven was going to take quite a liking to this kid and it would be sure to drive Indra crazy. 

 

“I don’t know much about taking things apart. But I know some about sports. What sports do you like?” He grins from ear to ear, lighting up at the prospect of someone to play with him. 

 

“Soccer and football” Her stomach flipped at how perfect this was, he was everything she had always wanted for a brother. She needed to be worried about getting attached, because after all this could possibly not work out in the end. But god did she hope it worked out. 

 

“What do you say after we eat you show me some stuff? I think Indra still has my football in the shed.” She asks him watching as he shoots up and wraps his arms around her neck in a tight hug that has Lexa placing her hand on his back. Over his shoulder she sees everyone watching them. Each one with smiles firmly planted on everyone’s faces. He pulls back and almost seems embarrassed at his actions. “Come on squirt, let’s get something to eat.” 

 

They walk side by side to meet everyone as Indra introduces Aden to Lincoln and Octavia. He doesn’t move more than a few feet away from Lexa, even choosing to sit between her and Raven at brunch. It’s one of Lexa’s favorite Sunday brunches. They tell Aden stories of when they were kids and how Lexa and Anya had driven Indra crazy in their teenage years. He seems happy, and it brings a nostalgia to the whole get together. 

 

After brunch Aden and Lexa go to the front yard out of everyone’s way. The others had insisted they didn’t need help cleaning up. Lexa gets lost in showing him how to throw the football, amazed by how quickly he catches on. There’s determination on his face as he listens to her ever word. 

 

“Fish wait!” She hears a voice yell behind her and knows exactly who it belongs too. A young golden retriever is chasing after the ball Aden had tossed with an almost perfect spiral.


End file.
